i-give-chess-pieces-to-people:
oh yeah, with the new size limit for .gifs this thing can finally be posted
what the fuck
I just….?
TREASURE THIS POST. IT ONLY APPEARS ON YOUR DASH ONCE IN A BLUE MOON I SWEAR
forget posting cringe to scare off Twitter folks, we just gotta make this appear to be the constant vibe here and we’ll be good skdjskksks
[ID: a pair of outstretched hands, offering a chess piece. End ID]
[ID: a pair of
outstretched hands, offering a
chess piece. End ID]
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
by far the funniest thing you can say immediately after winning the NBA finals
for those of you who don’t follow basketball, this guy is the best player in the world right now
#basketball#I LEARNED THIS LORE I LEARNED THIS LORE#DUE TO OUR STAR WARS CHAT MELTING DOWN INTO ESPN SPORTZONE#so jokic has been giving these vibes for his team’s ENTIRE championship run up to and INCLUDING after the win#at the press conference afterwards (bear in mind he has just won the most PRESTIGIOUS PRIZE in all basketball)#he said to the reporter 'the job is done now we can go home 😐’#and then in the morning presser after someone asked if jokic was excited for the parade#he was like 'parade? when is parade? no no - i need to go home’ and put his head in his hands#AND THEN THE PARADE HAPPENED AND THE TEAM WAS PLIED WITH COPIOUS CHAMPAGNE AND ADORATION OF DENVER POPULACE#jokic got on the mike after several Champagne ™ applications#and said 'HELLO DENVER I KNOW I TOLD I DIDN’T WANT TO STAY ON PARADE BUT I FUCKING WANT TO STAY ON PARADE THIS IS THE BEST’#(yes that is a verbatim quote you can CHECK me on it)#that night the entire team went to a club and jokic got a round of this special plum vodka for the table#it apparently DESTROYED them all bc the next morning one of his teammates did an IG live from his hotel bed#it was super dark and you could see like half the poor dude’s face smushed against the pillow#and he said in the most Sickly and Hungover Voice Imaginable#'i want you all to know…this is nikola’s fault…he did this to me…#i’m never drinking again…it was that serbian shit…nikola did this to me…’ (via @takiki16)
this narrative needs to be exposed to the world and not hidden in the tags. long live star wars espn sportzone chat.
More men need to walk around with their whole bush and the first inch of shaft just out in full view
you’re really asking me to walk around with my whole thang out?
That thang has one inch?
That’s what he said, you heard it, I did too.
middle schooler obsessed with using perfect grammar online -> adult who uses like every text abbreviation possible
CRAB CATASTROPHE AT THE ASIAN SUPERMARKET
I walked up while a woman was in the middle of browsing the fishmonger’s section with her family. She was looking into a big bin with her daughter. I overheard the mom ask something that sounded very much like “…están muertos?” and the daughter nodded very confidently. The mother reached in. Audible click of crab claws. LOUD yelp. Uncontrollable giggling of the daughter as the mother held up a hand with a very much living crab wriggling in her grip, chained to five other crabs in a claw-handhold. The five other crabs then fell on the floor and started scattering. Just some absolutely Looney Tunes events happening today.
if we lived in a world where u had to do the career u were first interested in as a child what would u be doing, id be a firefighter
the fact that a river ends at the mouth implies that the source is the anus, and a river flows from anus to mouth
not for this one I don’t think so
??????
schaduwen-deactivated20220817:
really truly genuinely literally me
another underappreciated tumblr feature that you dont get on other sites is the queue. i love it when something i thought was funny six months ago and then forgot about a week later crawlts its way out of the processing vortex and i get to see it all over again.
you should queue this post it would be funny and grant me immortality
you motherfuckers put me in the processing vortex
Y'all have got to stop spreading fake news via the destiel meme, that shit needs to be an accredited source
opening these very specific commissions (graphic design, as you can see, is my passion)
payment is via boosty 💫 3 slots are available for each section!
no slots have been claimed so far, so at the risk of having anons blame me for asking for reblogs, I am going to ask for reblogs
ok since i don’t think i’ve seen any semi-comprehensive lists of the tumblr holidays for the reddit refugees, here it is.
IT JUST HAPPENS
- DAY 15 GIVE IT UP FOR DAY 15
- Thursday the 20th
- The Fifth of Wednesday
- Sometime in June: That One Halloween Post Starts Circulating
- Sometime in July: Dancing Pumpkin Man Video/Gif
WEEKLY EVENTS
- Every Monday: El Muchacho Monday
- Every Tuesday: Tuesday Again? No Problem…
- Every Wednesday: Wet Beast Wednesday
- Every Thursday: Out of Touch Thursday
- Every Friday: Flat Fuck Friday
- Every Saturday: Don’t @ Me, I’m Chilling/Caturday
- Every Sunday: Fingers In His Ass Sunday
YEARLY EVENTS
- January 16: Appreciate a Dragon Day
- January 29: Threshold Day
- All of February: Funguary
- February 14: Aromantic/Asexual Day
- March 9: Miku Day
- March 10: Mario Day
- March 14: Pi Day
- March 15: Ides of March
- March 23: Ever Given Got Stuck Today
- April 1: Mishapocalypse
- April 2: Dashcon Announcement Anniversary
- April 3: Dannypocalypse
- April 8: Rex Manning Day
- ALSO April 8: MARGARET THATCHER IS DEAD
- April 13: Neil Banging Out The Tunes
- ALSO April 13: Homestuck Day
- April 20: haha 420 blaze it
- April 25: The Perfect Date
- April 28: Ed Balls Day
- April 30: It’s Gonna Be May
- All of May: Mermay
- May 3: Beginning of Dracula Daily
- May 4: May the 4th Be With You
- May 5: Revenge of the Fifth
- May 25: The Glorious 25th of May
- All of June: Pride Month
- ALSO All of June: IT’S HALLOWEEN TIME TO GET SPOOKY
- June 5: Barricade Day
- June 16: Let Papyrus Say Fuck
- July 20: Moon Landing
- September 8: The Queen Is Dead and Sans Undertale Killed Her
- September 21: DO YOU REMEMBER-
- All of October: SKELETON WAR
- ALSO All of October: Inktober
- October 3: Mean Girls Day
- ALSO October 3: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood Day
- October 20: Unnecessary Feelings Day
- October 31: HALLOWEEN
- November 5: honestly what didn’t happen that day
- November 19: Goncharov
- All of December: Will the Gävle Goat Get Destroyed Again?
- December 10: Please, It’s Christmas
- December 24: ALMOST CHRISTMAS MEANS IT WASN’T CHRISTMAS